HamHam High School
by Hamtaro Troll
Summary: Its back after beling delated by Its a great popular fic that has tons of romance and alot of humor at high school life. The plot is basically the hamhams graduate their grade schoolthe one they created in Much ado about school episode, and go
1. Default Chapter

The Ham-Hams go to high school.  
  
Ok this is a bit of a sequel to much ado about school. This is one of my favorite episodes. The ham-hams are no longer in grade school (which that episode was about I think) now its time for high school. And the ham hams will never be the same. Rated PG-13 for sex, drugs, language, violence, stupidity, and bad humor about how high school sucks. The plot is this; it starts the first day of high school with fresh-hams. And works it way slowly through graduation. (If I continue past the first chapter that is....) Be warned nothing is sacred in this story, I will be going after the jocks, Goths, freaks, nerds, and "valley girl blondes" equally. I am still debating if I should add some events that really happened during the past 10 years to move the plot along..(I was thinking an attempted school shooting, or something like that, but I am not sure if I want to get involved into that or not)Since this is my first fic ever, and I am more familiar with RPGS then fan fic I will probably be using :::faints::: notation for most actions by everyone or any scene changes etc. so don't get too confused. hopefully I will learn what fan fiction is really about until then, be warned I don't own hamtaro, I don't own anything except my computer, a jar of jelly, and my DVD player. so sue someone else.   
  
Prolog: The couples will be Maxwell and sandy and cappy and Penelope for ALL of the story, hamtaro and bijou (for some) boss and bijou(for some as well) and the rest I will figure out along the way.   
  
Freshman Jitters.  
  
:: Its the first day of high school, and all your favorite ham hams are walking in the front door of their new high school. :::  
  
"Wow, this is like different girls then our old school in the club house" Sandy muttered.  
  
"Ze is true" a familiar hamster called out "Its like so big, and so many other hams are here walking around talking to all of their friends.... at least we have each other girls...... " bijou turned around " GIRLS?! Where did you go?!? hello?!" She quickly turned around and saw all the boys were playing hackisack on the front lawn. and the rest of the girls were gathered around watching them with starry eyes.  
  
"Oh look at maxi (author comment: maxi?! what is he a friggin tampon!) he is so cute when exercises, too bad all that brains and he has athletic skills whatsoever" the other girls started to giggle at sandy. "Well girlfriends its true so :::blows a raspberry in their direction:::"  
  
While this was going on a red sports car pulls up, with the bass loud as anything, you could actually feel the cement shaking under the sidewalk, that is how loud it was. The song was going like this....  
  
"I like big butts, I can not lie, you other brothers can not lie...but that butt you got make me so horny....."  
  
Then out walks a somewhat familiar Ham Ham, but is dressed way differently, with a backwards cap a pair of dark sunglasses and he wasn't talking the same as last year.   
  
Word Up Hommies, wazzzzz uuuuuupppppp? I just got myself a set of wheels, and a killer sound system in there. cost be a fortune in chestnuts 54,000 chestnuts but its a total chick mobile, like look at it..........." ::he suddenly notices the girl hams from his grade school there::: "Well hello ladies you are some fine looking hams today, especially you gorgeous :::he pulls out a picture of himself, signed and tries to give it to pepper::: (I wonder who is the motor head, and person who can never listen to their radio at a reasonable level)  
  
"Fuck off asshole, Or I swear I'll fucking grab you by your balls, rip them off and shove them up your fucking ass, I aren't no fucking whore like your other girls hams, I am Pepper super bitch of them all, and if you got a problem with that, see me after school and I guarantee you will be singing those songs 3 notes higher with my black high heel shoe up your ass" (Gee can anyone guess that pepper might be a pissy Goth?)  
  
::Stan looked down at his manhood for a second, started to shiver when he thought about what she said, and quickly jumped into his open convertible and drove around to the side of the building to ad void her:::  
  
:::Attention all fresh-hams, the orientation will begin in 5 minutes, so GET MOVING NOW!!!!!!::: a loudspeaker sudden cried out  
  
Bijou, Hamtaro, Boss, Pepper, Stan, Maxwell and Sandy all started to walk to the auditorium in the middle of the school, halfway between north side and south side of the school. (Anyone who knows me knows which high school I am describing)  
  
"Please have a seat everyone, please sit down......" Elder ham said." I will be your new principal and we have to go over a few things before the school year begins"   
  
"Oh great a boring lecture" Stan whispered to boss who giggled  
  
"Come up here now STANLEY" Elder ham asked  
  
"Heke?"  
  
"Mr. Stanley" ::suddenly elder ham grabs Stan's glasses right off his face, drops them on the stage floor, and proceeds to step on and destroy them:::  
  
"NO SUNGLASSES IN THE BUILDING!" Stan just stood there in total shock, unable to move or speak. the Entire freshman class was laughing at him, it was nearly a riot until.......  
  
"Shut up now you rodents" Screamed the Principal. It went dead silent instantly. not a ham breathed a single breath even, they didn't want to acquire his wrath one bit.  
  
"Good, Now rule number 2, You only speak when spoken to"  
  
::2 hours later, as the meeting is getting done::  
  
:: Eyeing her friends up ahead Sandy Spots Bijou and Pashmina talking as she slowly caught up she overheard the conversation a little bit:::  
  
"So that is how to give the perfect ham-cock hand job, Bijou" Pashmina was telling Bijou..."Wee, But I didn't ask you that, I asked you what your first class was today!" She Squeaked in annoyance.  
  
::As Sandy was finally within a few inches of them she yelled "Like wow, that was like a real drag of a way to start the year, ya know?"  
  
::Meanwhile on the other side of the school the boys were talking::  
  
"Yo Ham Dudes wait up!" shouted Stan. "Yo Bro" Oxy and Hamtaro said (Authors comment: With all of the spots Oxnard has he got the nickname Oxy because he always needs Oxy Pads to clear up his Acne problem)   
  
"How is everything goin'?"  
  
"Hey Stan, Sorry 'bout your shades dude" Hamtaro said  
  
"Yea tell me about me, Elder Ham is a total Rat for doing that"   
  
"So where are you going now Oxy and Hamtaro?"   
  
"Well I am going to my Hamster Psychology Class, its just around this corner so I got to get going, bye-q" Hamtaro mentioned as he walked to class  
  
"What about you Oxy?"   
  
"Umm.... Hehehe.... Well I umm... well if you follow me to the back of the gym, I'll show ya."   
  
"Yea sure, I don't got class for another hour"  
  
::As they arrive they sneak behind the ham-sized bleachers outside behind school:::  
  
"So why are we back here anyways" Stan Asked puzzled.  
  
::Oxy opens his sunflower seed, revealing a secret compartment. In there is a bag, full of green plant leaves::   
  
"What the hell is that?! I didn't know your seed has a hidden compartment!"   
  
::Oxnard proceeds to pull out some paper and puts some of the green leaves in the paper and proceeds to roll it up:::  
  
"This my friend, is the best thing on earth, its genuine 100% Jamaican Grass" Oxy Replied with a giggle  
  
"WHAT?!" Stan shouted  
  
"SHHHHH! You don't want them to find us do ya?"  
  
"What do you mean 'us' there is no us."  
  
::Oxnard grabs a lighter and lights it up::  
  
"Want some, its better then it looks" Oxy said as he exhaled  
  
"Well dude, that would explain why you are always hungry and snacking on seeds all the time" Stan Said with a light chuckle thinking at the situation.  
  
"Well, want some?"   
  
"nAHH Dude, I heard that shit will shrink my Ham-Rod, and Don't want any disappointed Girl hams Ya know what I mean?" Stan said with a little nudge to Oxy.  
  
"Well suit yourself" Oxy said as he lit up his second joint.  
  
"Geez how many of those a day do you smoke?" Stan said in shock  
  
"Umm... maybe 10-15.." Oxy replied , barely at that.  
  
"Well dude that does explain why he has that seed with him always, and he always get upset when he loses it" Stan thought to himself.. 


	2. Chapter 2

::Its now a few months later and the ham-hams just got back from thanksgiving break. Not much has changed YET, and there has been no romance yet... well its Christmas time, time for some romance. Be warned this next chapter is romantic, and it wont be a lemon, but maybe a little lime might happen.... :::  
  
::Its 1030 on a Monday morning:::  
  
"Gosh Darn it, I am late for lunch again, I knew I shouldn't of went to my locker after class. Darn it, Dexter and Jingle are going to kill me, for being late the like 300th time"  
  
::As he finally got to the cafe, he saw Jingle and Dexter sitting at their usual table.:::  
  
"HamHa guys what's happening......." Cappy was saying until he was Interrupted by Jingle  
  
"My pal, my pal cappy, you are late again, and we aren't happy. We gave you another chance to be our friend, and you screwed up crappy, so get out of here, unless you want a foot up your ass old chap."  
  
::With that Jingle used his guitar as a baseball bat and hit cappy across the cafe he lands on a table which is luckily almost completely empty:::  
  
"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... That hurt.... Oh shit, I am sorry miss, I didn't mean to ruin and interrupt your lunch miss miss miss miss....?"  
  
"Penelope's the name, Fine Sir, Now if you wouldn't mind can you maybe get off my school bag, you are crushing my art supplies and brushes."  
  
"Oh I am sorry" ::Cappy Rolls over the table and Lands face first on the floor::  
  
"Oww.."   
  
"Here let me help you up" Penelope said as she offered her hand to him.  
  
"Umm... Thanks..."   
  
::Cappy sat down at the table across from Penelope:::  
  
"And your name is..." she inquired  
  
"Cappy"  
  
"That's an interesting name, My Name is Penelope"  
  
"So umm... why are you sitting here alone?"  
  
"I don't know, I don't talk allot to people. I am kind of shy and all, so I don't have allot of friends, and its even rarer that complete strangers drop in on me and start a conversation" She said with a giggle in her voice about cappy "dropping in on her"   
  
:: Cappy Blushed, and pulled his hat down to cover his face :::  
  
"Yea I am a bit sorry I dropped in on your lunch"  
  
"Up to about 10 minutes ago I didn't know Hamsters could fly. so how did you get airborne anyways?"   
  
"Well.... You see... Umm.. I don't know how to put it... I was good friends with Dexter and Jingle.. but I don't think they want to me to be their friend anymore on the count that Jingle used his guitar to throw me across the cafe, where I kind of flew into your table, and boy are my paws tired" He said with a smirk at the joke he made.  
  
"Okweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Okweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee that was hilarious cappy" Penelope shouted out loud, the entire cafe turning around and looking at her.  
  
:: Penelope and Cappy both turned to each other, smiled and blushed :::  
  
:: Meanwhile in Sexual Anatomy/Proper Mating Rituals Class :::  
  
(Lime Warning! Thanks to Space_Ghost,from mediaminner.org for inspiring me to this next part.)  
  
"Hello Class, We will start a new chapter in our textbook today on the anatomy of the female hamster. It will cover which mating positions are most pleasurable for her, as well as a video we purchased from the discovery channel of a female ham ham giving birth. Under your seats you will all find vomit bags." the teacher said.  
  
::the entire class fell out of their seats with a sweat drop :::  
  
"But first we need to demonstrate Girl Ham anatomy. Do we have any volunteers to come up in front of the class, remove their fur coat and demonstrate their anatomy?"  
  
:: Pashmina Quickly raised her hand, waiving it all in the air trying to get the teachers attention:::  
  
"I am sorry Pashmina, you can not demonstrate for the class, however when we do the next chapter on Venereal Diseases, aka STDS, I will be overjoyed for you to show the class some examples......."  
  
(Authors note: In case you can't figure it out, I am a Pashmina Hater and Stan Hater, so don't be surprised if things get worse for both of them, so Ambreen and Poke'Maniac be warned, and thanks for the review)  
  
"Umm... So any other volunteers?" ::cricket chirp:: "Ok well I guess I will have to pick someone then....Lets see.... who haven't we heard from lately.... Hmm..... BIJOU! Come up here. Take off your fur and sit up on this medical exam table"  
  
:: Bijou Falls over and faints :::  
  
:: Bucket of Icy Cold water falls on her, she squeals as she wakes up :::  
  
"Waaaaaa.... I don't want to...." Bijous protested as she removed her ribbons, then her white fur coat, as she climbed upon the table.   
  
(Authors Note: I am going to skip the anatomy lesson, so just assume hamsters anatomy is identical to human anatomy, ok? If you don't know the difference between guys and girls you shouldn't be reading this fic!)  
  
"Oh my god, wow, she is so cute and sexy when she is naked.... Aww Mannn... This lecture is getting me really horny, especially with Bijou up there completely naked on that table with her legs spread out.. She is really cute, aww I really want to tell her how she is one hottie mamma...Awww she is blushing... Man this desk is getting smaller...." Boss thought to himself.  
  
:: Suddenly Boss's desk fell forward and the entire class turned around to see what had happened :::  
  
:: Ham- HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA... The entire class started to turn and point and laugh at boss, looking and pointing to him :::  
  
"Well class, remember last chapter what we studied? That is a perfect example of getting a Ham-Erection, and a massive one at that too. Boss, your Girl ham must be very proud of you.... " The Teacher said laughing.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO..." boss screamed as he ran from the classroom, nearly tripping over HIMSELF...(he he)  
  
Authors Note: I just read the fic "fool" and OH my god, its awesome. I am literally feeling my writers block disappear after reading that work of art, even though I don't like the idea of a ham-suicide, its still interesting concept to try out. Hmm.... maybe I will have a suicide on my story instead of a school shooting. but I don't know yet what I will do. I guess the reviews will tell me what I need to write next hopefully. 


	3. Chapter 3

:: Well this chapter will be mostly romance, last chapter was mostly   
  
comedy and lime. This chapter starts the next day. All the Ham Hams are   
  
looking for a date for the winter dance. I don't know where hamtaro is,   
  
nor do I care. He will be back when I figure out what to do with him.   
  
any suggestions? :::  
  
:: The 830 bell rang, it was a new day of school, a new day at Ham Ham   
  
High. It was a beautiful morning, the sun was out, and there was only a   
  
light snow on the ground, barely Ham-Ankle High. Today was December   
  
1st, only 14 more days till the winter dance but only 2 days left to buy   
  
tickets for the dance. They all had to find their date for the dance   
  
soon. :::  
  
"Good morning, Cappy" Penelope said  
  
"OH.. Hi.. I didn't see you standing over here. How are you this fine   
  
morning?" Said Cappy in a nervous tone.  
  
"I am good, umm.. what class are you going to now?"  
  
"Floral culture class with Ms. Anderson" Cappy replied  
  
"Really!? I have that class too!"   
  
"How is that possible?"  
  
"Probably because I have not said a word all year in her class except my   
  
name the first day of class."  
  
"Wow, if you don't mind me saying, You are really shy...." He said with   
  
a twitch of fear at her response.  
  
:: She Gives Cappy a Really big grin :::  
  
"Yea I know, its just, you know what its like here, few people who say   
  
they are your friends truly are... So I kind of keep to myself, this way   
  
I can concentrate on my artwork, and not deal with all that friends   
  
stuff and worrying about what I look like 24 hours a day to like be cool   
  
with the guys and crap...."  
  
"Yea I know how you feel... about people you think are your friends..."   
  
He said reflecting upon what happened with Jingle the day before. "And   
  
why do you worry about your looks… you look cute and perfectly pretty to   
  
me." cappy said not realizing what he has just said to her ...  
  
"Umm... what did you just say?" She asked back making sure she wasn't   
  
day dreaming.  
  
:: It hits Cappy now what he had just admitted to unknowingly :::  
  
:: Before Cappy could reply and think up a way to cover himself :::  
  
" Cappy Hon, do you want to go to that winter dance thingies with me...   
  
::really quickly now nervously::: I-will-understand-if-you-say-no-its-  
  
just-no-one-has every-said-i-was-cute-before-and-i-really-like-you-a-  
  
whole-hell-of-alot-and-i-have-never-liked-anyone-before-so-would-you-go-  
  
with-me-pretty-please-cappy-hon???"   
  
:: Penelope nearly passed out from saying that all in 1 giant long quick   
  
breath :::  
  
"YES." He said without even thinking about it. "I love you.... ehh... I   
  
meant I would love too"  
  
:: He and Her both held paws and walked to class :::  
  
(Authors Note: Awww, First Love for Cappy and Penelope, Awwww)  
  
::Scene Change, now we are in the school library :::   
  
::Maxwell is sitting on a sofa in the library, with Sandy lying on the   
  
couch with her head in Maxwell's lap as he is reading a book :::  
  
"Oh Honey, I love you so much." Sandy said as she pushed the book away   
  
from his face, and gave him a good long passionate kiss on his lips.  
  
"Oh Sandy, you are my one and only true love." He turns a page in his   
  
book and starts to recite Sonnet 54 by William Shakespeare   
  
OH how much more doth beautie beautious seeme,  
  
By that sweet ornament which truth doth giue,  
  
The Rose lookes faire, but fairer we it deeme  
  
For that sweet odor,which doth in it liue:  
  
The Canker bloomes haue full as deepe a die,  
  
As the perfumed tincture of the Roses,  
  
Hang on such thornes,and play as wantonly,  
  
When sommers breath their masked buds discloses:  
  
But for their virtue only is their show,  
  
They liue vnwoo'd, and vnrespected fade,  
  
Die to themselues . Sweet Roses doe not so,  
  
Of their sweet deathes, are sweetest odors made:  
  
And so of you,beautious and louely youth,  
  
When that shall vade,by verse distils your truth.   
  
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Maxy I love you so much..." Sandy said Love Struck   
  
as she and Maxi shared another long romantic kiss, as Maxwell curled a   
  
bit of her fur around his finger and pulled her even closer to himself   
  
for Maxwell and Sandy were deeply in true love. Suddenly, Maxwell broke   
  
away for a second.   
  
"Sandy, will you go with me to the winter dance?"  
  
"Oh yes Maxy, I love you, and I would love to go" Sandy replied right   
  
before she moved back in to finish the kiss.  
  
:: Fade to Black :::  
  
:: 2 couples down 2 to go. Next up is Boss and Bijou :::  
  
:: Outside Sitting on a bench is Boss, Staring at the flowers that grow   
  
around the school :::  
  
:: boss thinking to himself :::  
  
"I am such a do fuss....an idiot.... How am I going to live down what   
  
happened yesterday.... I looked like a total pervert... :: River of   
  
tears ::: she probably hates me now... I will never get her to fall in   
  
love with me.... damn you hormones... Well.... maybe I will try to talk   
  
to her before class and explain myself.... aww heck, what is there to   
  
explain... I saw her naked, I got excited and everyone in class saw   
  
it... I can't figure out what to doooooo.... ::another river of tears:::   
  
OH WAIT! HERE COMES MY BEST FRIEND PANDA HE WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO!"   
  
::Wipes tears from his eyes and runs up to Panda :::   
  
"Oh Hey Panda!" Boss shouted   
  
"Hi Boss Man" Panda Replied "I heard about yesterday in anatomy class   
  
... dude that sucks.. Don't you have a crush on Bijou or something?"  
  
"Yea, and I want to apologize to her and ask her out for some sunflowers   
  
and tea, but after yesterday...." Boss's voice trailed off..  
  
"Well, I can talk to her today during Calculus Class and see what she   
  
thinks of you?"   
  
"Oh wow, buddy thanks. that would be really nice if you could help me   
  
out that way!"  
  
"yea no problem Ham-Dude.. "  
  
:: A few hours later in Calculus Class, Panda walks up to Bijou as she   
  
is talking to Pashmina.. ::   
  
"You know Bijou, You got a nice body. I should know I have seen allot of   
  
hamsters without their clothes on (Authors Note: Since when do hamsters   
  
wear clothes?!? except boss who wears pants of course) and your have a   
  
nice body, I mean you are well figured and you got a nice rack, as well   
  
as having a cute little French booty...."  
  
(Authors Note: Pashmina is now also BI/Gay as well as a slut. Man I hate   
  
Pashmina.)  
  
"HEY Bijou" Panda shouted.  
  
"Bye Pashmina" Bijou said quickly running as fast as she could to Panda.  
  
"THANK YOU for saving me Panda, Pashmina was going off on another one of   
  
her tangents." Bijou said relived.  
  
"No Prob. So how was your day Bijou?" Panda said pretending to not know   
  
anything about yesterday in Anatomy Class.  
  
"Well today was good, somewhat. Yesterday was a total disaster though.   
  
It started out so nicely but then I went to Anatomy class. Oh my god,   
  
that was a rough class. She made me strip down bare to demonstrate   
  
female ham anatomy. It was really embarrassing and worst of all what   
  
happened to boss.. I feel really bad about that, I mean I WAS laying   
  
there in my birthday suit, naked as the day I was born... and I know he   
  
is absolutely insanely crazy about me, and that ::she blushed and   
  
giggles:: kind of proved that he still is crazy about me all these years   
  
later. Too bad he has never had the courage to come up and tell me that,   
  
he might be surprised I like him as much as he likes me, Ya' Know? "  
  
"So Panda what did you want?" She asked.  
  
"Umm... Well I think I got my answer to my question" He answered  
  
::The Song "Matchmaker" starts to play in the background, which has   
  
Panda thinking... :::  
  
:: Hmm... I DID promise to help Boss out... Hmm... Maybe I could take   
  
advantage of this situation to help boss out... Yea he wouldn't mind   
  
would he? ::::  
  
"Hey Bijou Slow Down! I have a message for you." Panda said  
  
"Wee?"  
  
"Boss asked me to ask you if you wanted to go to the Winter dance with   
  
him?"  
  
"REALLY? OH MY GOD, I CAN NOT BELIVE HE ACTUALLY WANTS TO GO OUT WITH   
  
ME, I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY! WAHOO, I NEED TO GO TELL ALL MY GIRLHAMS ABOUT   
  
THE GOOD NEWS!"  
  
:: Bijou turned completely around running away from class towards her   
  
friends classes::  
  
"BYE PANDA, THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR GIVING ME THIS GREAT   
  
NEWS!" She said as her voice trailed off as she ran down the hallway.  
  
"I think I need to tell boss before he finds out from Bijou, that he   
  
just asked bijou to the dance......." Panda thought as he ran away   
  
towards Boss's Classroom.  
  
"Umm.. Boss.. I NEED to talk to you NOW!" Panda whispered from the   
  
hallway.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I got good news and I got bad news for you, what would you like first?"   
  
Panda said in a hesitant tone.  
  
"Umm... does it deal with Bijou?"  
  
"Yuppers"  
  
"SHIT... Umm... bad news first..." Boss said with a sigh  
  
"I kind of opened by big mouth and I kind of umm... well... You have a   
  
date for the Winter Dance..."  
  
"YOU DID WHAT?!!?!?!?!!!?" Boss screamed as he grabbed his shovel and   
  
smacked Panda with it across the face. "How could you?! You know I was   
  
going to ask Bijou, now what the hell am I going to do!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?"  
  
:: Still recovering:: "Take Bijou to the Dance, I asked her for you.."   
  
:: Panda Passed out again from the pain:::  
  
"WHAT? I can not believe this….."  
  
::Boss Suddenly Passed out and landed on Panda:::  
  
(Authors Note: Now we have 2 hamsters passed out with Boss Laying on top   
  
of Panda in the middle of the Hallway in between classes. Nothing wrong   
  
with that scene.)  
  
::: The next chapter Pepper and Oxnard meet the first time, and I show   
  
what happens at the winter dance with all the ham hams there. I would   
  
like to thank everyone who review my story so far. I love reviews a lot   
  
and the more I get the faster I seem to turn out new chapters. So review   
  
my story again after this chapter and tell me what you like, don't like,   
  
hate, love, or MOST OF ALL SUGGESTIONS FOR CHANGES TO THE PLOT, like   
  
what YOU want to see happen next. After all writing is all about   
  
pleasing the readers, so tell me what makes you happy. Sorry   
  
Pashmina/Stan I won't be nice to, I hate them and I guarantee you at the   
  
dance bad things will happen to them both. Oh Yea, if anyone is sick   
  
enough to ask for it, I am interested in writing a Hamtaro LEMON/   
  
Hamtaro Hentai / Hamtaro gets Laid. If anyone wants to talk to me, or   
  
tell me if the Hamtaro Lemon is a good idea or not , drop me a e-mail   
  
hamtarotroll@camino-net.com or send me a AIM message at HamtaroTroll.   
  
Bye-Q :::  
  
::: i edited this end message to clearify something, I WILL NOT MAKE this story R RATED, AND I WILL NOT add any lemon to this story. i was talking about my next project/ my next story. :::: 


	4. Chapter 4

:: I thought I would mention this a little late, but in this story humans don't exist. It's a world of ham hams. So forget any Laura and Travis unless I turn them into hamsters which I won't because someone already did that!:::  
  
::Yay, Pepper and Oxnard finally meet :::  
  
:: Fade In to Pepper Dressed in all black Goth, walking the mall, Listening to Rob Zombie on her walkman so loud people can hear clearly across the mall. :::  
  
:::Raping the geek, and hustling the freak like a hunchback juice on a sentimental noose operation filth they love to love the wealth of an SS whore making scary sounds ::: (The song she is listening to)  
  
"Ahh the best way to spend my Friday nights, at the mall shopping away my life, and my time too. Lets see I need some new boots, a new pair of sunglasses, and OH YEA I cant forget that new Hammy-Potter book that just came out" Pepper thought to herself (A/N: Hammy Potter? Hehe)  
  
"I need to pick up a new t-shirt at Spencer's" Oxnard said to himself as he walked into the mall.  
  
"But first I need to stop by the book store where Maxwell works and pickup the new Hammy-Potter book" Oxnard Continued "But first a pizza flavor snack at Sunflower Hut (Pizza Hut)"  
  
::Suddenly Oxnard Spots Bijou at Sunflower Hut::  
  
"Hey Bijou! What are you doing working here? I always thought you didn't like to get your paws dirty......."   
  
"Wee, but I can survive a little dirt because I am the happiest Ham Alive!"  
  
"Heke?"  
  
"Boss asked me to the winter Dance so I need to save up for a dress and stuff! WAHOOOOOOO! " Bijou said nearly screaming.  
  
"Really? Great! Now can I order please? I am starving."  
  
::Oxnard Proceeds to order 1/2 the menu:::  
  
::Back to Pepper:::  
  
"Well Hello Boss!" Pepper Shouted across the mall  
  
"HamHa Pepper. What's happening?"  
  
"Nuttin Much, Just doing some Friday Night Shopping as always. what about yourself boss?"  
  
"I am the happiest Ham Alive! "  
  
"Heke?"  
  
"I asked Bijou to the winter Dance and she said Yes so I need to save up for a suit and stuff! So I am working at the Sunglass hut to save up some money. WAHOOOOOOO! " Boss said nearly screaming.  
  
"Really? Great! Now what do you think of these sunglasses?."  
  
:: Pepper Proceeds to try on 1/2 the sunglasses they have :::  
  
::Authors Note: Sound Familiar? ha-ha :::  
  
::By now Oxnard is done eating and Pepper is done shopping for glasses:::  
  
:: Pepper and Oxnard both say Bye-Q at the exact same time:::  
  
"I think I will head to the bookstore and pickup that Hammy Potter Book" Oxnard Said to himself  
  
"I better head to the bookstore before it closes. I WANNNNT that book" Pepper Told Boss.  
  
::BANG 2 Hamsters suddenly Collided:::  
  
"Ouch that hurt" oxy said  
  
"Damn that hurt" Pepper Whined  
  
"My sunflower seed, my sunflower seed, what happened to my sunflower seed" Oxy Said in his usual scared sad tone.   
  
"Here it is, I found it" Pepper said.  
  
"Thank Q"  
  
"Don't I know you from somewhere?"  
  
"Umm... I don't think so... but you do vaguely look familiar.... were you at that Rob Zombie concert last week?"  
  
"YEA... Were you the dude who WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME who had that good weed that you were smoking..."   
  
"Yea that was me! "  
  
"Like wow I thought you were totally hot and shit and I was going to ask for you number, but I kind of was scared to ask yaw."  
  
"Well its 666-0269"  
  
"So what are you shopping for anyways here, I didn't think this was your type of store"  
  
"Me neither, I am shopping for the new Hammy Potter book I special ordered"  
  
"WHAT YOU LIKE HAMMY POTTER?! ME TOOOO!"  
  
"REALLY?! WOW TOO COOL"  
  
"Want to..." then pepper interrupted him   
  
"Go out sometime, I would LOVE TO"  
  
"How about...." then pepper interrupted him again  
  
"The winter dance, Of course!"  
  
"And then we could..."  
  
"Grab a go for a walk on the beach, How did you know I like that romantic stuff?"  
  
:: Oxnard chuckles:::  
  
"I guess I will meet you..."  
  
"At 6pm and don't be late!"  
  
:: Well it appears Pepper and Oxnard are going to the Winter Dance together :::  
  
::Well next chapter will be what happens at the dance, sorry for the short chapter.::: 


	5. Chapter 5

Welcome to the Winter Dance, this will be a 2 part chapter and fairly long chapters so fights, some more S/P bashing, and lots of Romance is expected. I wanted ot say most of this chapter will be very simular to many teen movies. I borrowed a few elements from each of movies because it seems to fit my story quite well. so if something seems familar watch some more teen movies and you will figure out where i borrowed them from. I am also holding a contest. If you can identify the most movies i borrowed some of the next 2 chapters from i will write you/your pet/or anyone or any other pet into Episode 2 as a charachter. Submit it to hamtarotroll@camino-net.com and i will let the winner(s) know who won.   
  
:: Cappy and Penelope sitting in a corner table all alone:::   
  
::They have no idea what to do at a dance, or what to say, they both have never been on a date before, and this is wayyyyy too much for them to handle at once. So they ended up both wearing Jeans and a tshirt instead of getting dressed up like they were supposed to:::   
  
"Umm... Are you having a good time Penelope Hon?"  
  
"Umm... Yes of course Cappy."  
  
"Umm... Want anymore Pumpkin Punch?"  
  
"No but thank you anways."  
  
"so...umm... Look at Hamtaro danceing out there. Wow,he can really dance."   
  
"Yea i ummm.. I guess..  
  
"You know, i always liked boats and ships. Do you want ot maybe leave now and grab a bite to eat on the cruise they have at sunset. and its almost sunset now. want ot head over now?"  
  
"Umm…I have to goto the bathroom, I'll brb She said running off as fast as she could to the bathroom to think about his offer.  
  
::: I really really like him a lot, I just don't know if I should go with him, away from all the supervision of the dance, I mean I barely know him , but I know already I love him but I don't know what to do?? :::  
  
:: Penelope runs to the bathroom, and runs into Bijou and Pashmina. putting on makeup in the mirror:::  
  
"Ham Ha Gals" She said  
  
"Oh hey Penelope nice umm… Jeans and Carebears Tshirt" Pashmina replied without even turning the slightest from the mirror.  
  
"Bonjou, Wee Penelope" Bijou said turning to the little girl.  
  
"Bijou I need you advice,"  
  
"Wee?"  
  
"Well its this boy I know, I like him a lot and all, and well.. i asked him to go with me me to this dance tonight, and I am having a horriable time, but not because of him but because I don't dance, I don't have friends to talk to, and I hate all of this music. I mean they don't play any good oldies, just all this rap and Heavy Metal and that is sooo not me So he asked me to go with him to this Sunset Cruise and I really want to get out of here, and do something more fun, but I have never been on a date before let alone a unsupervised one and I don't know what to do. I mean I have heard all types of horror stories about what happens after dark to young hamhams that are alone"  
  
"I know what you need to do" Pashmina says as she goes through her handbag and pulls out a few small packages marked Trojan & Latex & Durex. "Here that should take care of you"  
  
"Pash, is such a slut.." Bijou mumbled under her breath.  
  
"What did you say Bijou?"  
  
"Oh I said Penelope is in a real rut" Bijou said trying to cover up what she said.  
  
"Come with me Penelope so we can talk in private for a minute" Bijou said walking away from Pashmina  
  
"What are these? And what do I do with them?"  
  
::Bijou Giggled:: "Give me those, I don't think you need them, I will umm… put them to good use"  
  
"Now who is the lucky Ham you are here with Penelope?"  
  
"His name is Cappy"  
  
"Oh yea, I know him. He is a real gentleman isnt he?"  
  
"Yea I am crazy about him"  
  
"So go tell him that, while on that cruise. I know his older brother and Cappy is a good kid, you have nothing to worry about with him. He is NOTHING like those horror stories you heard. So my suggestion is go, you won't regret it, but you have to make up your own mind."  
  
"Oh thank you thank you thank you Bijou for your help. You have answered all my questions but one."  
  
"Oh which one?" Bijou said in confusion  
  
"What were those things and what are they used for, and why does Pashmina think I need them?"  
  
"Little Penelope, I will tell you when you are older, and ready to know about the Birds and the Bee's" Bijou replied with a smirk. "I have to get going back to the dance with Boss now."  
  
"Ok Bye Bijou"  
  
"Cappy Yea that would be great to go, this isnt my type of party anyways." Penelope said to Cappy as she kinda rushed him to the coat closet to leave as soon as possible.  
  
::While they are on the boat Cappy disapears and Penelope finds him a few minutes later near the front of the boat:::  
  
Penelope: Hello, Cappy what are you doing?  
  
Cappy: ::He turns and she is right behind him, He looks into her beautiful eyes, like he is looking into the 2 biggest blue diamons in the world, and watched as the wind slowly blew her fur around:::  
  
Cappy: Come Here  
  
::Cappy puts his paws oh her waist as if he was going to kiss her :::  
  
Cappy: Close Your Eyes.  
  
::: She closes her eyes and Cappy turns her to face the front of the ship and presses her close to the front rail. Cappy then grabs her paws and raises them above her and holds them sideways in the air. When he lets go of her arms, she holds them up there in place.:::  
  
Cappy: Okay Open Your Eyes  
  
Penelope: Wow I feel like I am flying over the ocean like a bird. It is beautiful, nothing out there but the waves of the ocean and us birds.   
  
This is such a perfect night, Cappy, Thank !   
  
:: Before she could finish her message cappy climbs up on the rails behind Penelope, and puts his paw over her mouth. :::   
  
Cappy: No, Thank YOU Penelope, For making me the happiest HamHam alive right now, I am on this beautiful cruise ship, on a beautiful snowy December night, with the most beautiful girl on the planet. And its not just your outer beauty that I am in love with, but its your inner beauty even more. I love everything about you, from your cute nose  
  
:: He gives her a eschimo kiss on her nose::: to your beautiful fur  
  
:: He runs his pay through her hair::: to the cute way you eat and drink 2 hands always. ::She giggles::: I have something to ask you, Will you be my Girl-Friend? You don't need to answer now but..  
  
Penelope: ::Places her paw on his waist::: Lets dance our first dance as boy and girl friend.   
  
::Meanwhile Back at the Dance:::  
  
::Sandy enters nervously. in a long Shakesperian dress, fur piled on top of her head. She spots Bijou and Boss and hurries over :::  
  
Sandy: Have you seen him?  
  
Bijou: Who?  
  
Sandy: William Shakesphere... he asked me to meet him here.  
  
Bijou: Oh Honey--- tell me you havnt progressed to full-on Hallucinations?  
  
::Boss looks towards the front door, and Taps Bijou. Bijou Turns and Points Sandy the same way:::  
  
::Maxwell dressed in full Shakespearean attire with a new goatee on his chin- bow in their direction. Sandy's grin wouldn't be bigger :::  
  
::Maxwell walks over to them, taking Sandy's hand and leading her onto the dance floor. ::  
  
Maxwell: Mi' Lady, How doth you look as pretty as a morning rose  
  
Maxwell:(To Boss and Bijou) Good Evening Sir and Madam...  
  
::Maxwell and Sandy Waltz dance away:::   
  
Boss: That was definately weird.  
  
Bijou: Wee!  
  
::Now lets have a convo between B&B AND S&P:::  
  
"Hey Boss Man"  
  
"Hey Bijou Honey"  
  
"Oh.. HEY Stan and Pashmina" Boss Replied "How are you doing tonight?"  
  
"We are having the best night of our lives. Just me and my Hot-Ham Girfriend Pashmina, arnt you Honey?" Stan says then he pinches her butt and Pashmina jumps in surprise.  
  
"Yea I having a great time, Stan" Pashminda said as she slaped Stans Butt and Stan yelled in surprise.  
  
:: Boss and Bijou both turned to eachother and laughed at how Stan and Pashmina were acting :::  
  
"So Boss Man, whats up with Bijou and your clothes tonight.. I mean they are like 60's hippie clothes… not exactly the type of clothes you should be wearing to a formal occasion like this?"  
  
"Well Stan" Boss continued in a very unhappy tone "We both got jobs at the mall to afford tonight's festvities, and We didn't realise that the mall does not pay well, so this is the best we both could afford from the Dollar Store. Besides whatever my dear Bijou wears, makes the angels of heaven jelous of her beauty"  
  
:: Boss and Bijou both blushed :::  
  
"Aww how cute Bijou, You got him well whipped already! He He" Pashmina said with a giggle.  
  
"Wee, He he he he" She said in reply.  
  
::: "God must have spent a lot more time on you" From Nsync begins to play in the background :::  
  
"Boss want to dance?"  
  
"Yes of course"  
  
"Oh Boss this so romantic" she said as she put her head on his shoulders and her arms around him.  
  
"Umm.. umm.... Yea" Boss stuttered  
  
:: "Shake your groove thing" starts playing next :::  
  
"Pashmina Baby lets burn up the dance floor"  
  
"Lets Go"  
  
:: A/N: Some of the lyrics :::  
  
Shake it, shake it  
  
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah yeah  
  
Show 'em how to do it now  
  
Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah yeah  
  
Show 'em how to do it now   
  
Show 'em how to do it now  
  
Let's show the world we can dance  
  
Bad enough to strut my stuff  
  
The music gives us a chance  
  
We do more out on the floor  
  
"Yea Shake that groove thing Pash Baby, Yea get down."  
  
"You're the King of the Dance floor Stan"  
  
:: The dance floor slowly clears out as everyone begins to start watching them:::  
  
"Yes we are killing them." Stan said as he whipped Pashmina under his legs and behind him as they began swing dancing.  
  
"See them all watch us make 'em look like fools" Pashmina said as she and Stan Began to grind on the dance floor.  
  
"Yea" They both said as they began to Disco Dance.  
  
:: Applause from all the Ham Hams. "Great Job" "You're awesome" could be heard in the background :::  
  
"Why thank you" Stan yelled as he and Pashmina both took a bow before all the clapping Ham Hams.  
  
In walks Pepper and Oxnard, both wearing LONG BLACK trench coats. Pepper is wearing skin tight black leather pants and black nail polish and has dyed part of her hair PURPLE along with the dark sunglasses she bought from Boss earlier in the week. In her paw is a cigarette.  
  
On the other hand Oxnard went and dyed most of his grey head-hair PURE BLACK and he shaped it into a Mohawk. He is wearing a black shirt with a black vest with gothic ruffles along the sleeves. His black knee-high combat boots were freshly polished and shiny like a mirror. Lastly, tied onto his belt was his sunflower seed (with his you-know-what in it) which he painted to match Pepper's hair, Purple.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
::: Well that's the end of this chapter. The dance will be a 2 chapter event. After these 2 chapters I will start the second Episode of my story which will bring in more Ham-Hams, Worse S/P bashing, and HAMTARO will be in it. And I promise Hamtaro will get Bijou in this story EVENTUALLY. I plan on making each story 1 semester (1/2 year) so I expect to have 8 different episodes before I finish this fic, and that means like 100 chapters total. 


	6. Chapter 6

Welcome to the final Chapter of Episode 1 of Ham-Ham High School, This is also going to be a 3 part chapter for the winter dance and this is part 2. A little warning before we begin, this chapter will have some foul language, some cartoon violence, and some alcohol, so please do not do anything in this chapter, nor take anything seriously. Oh yea New Rule! Reviews are required. Starting in the next, Episode I want five reviews per chapter at least. I mean there are like a hundred Hamtaro fans reading this fic and like no reviews. So review me, or flame me. Just type SOMETHING to let me know that people are reading my garbage I post here, By the way I own none of Hamtaro or anyone in this story so far, however I do own a dill pickle and a Moby Cd…. So Enjoy! ::   
  
"Argh Oxy, this music blows. Who the fuck ever heard of Avril Lavigne?! Geez this music sounds like a cat in heat!"  
  
"Yea Pepper, Lets Spice this music up a bit. I brought my clean version of my favorite songs, and I am going to talk to the Dj and ask him to play it for us. I'll be back in a second." Oxnard's says as we walks though the crowd towards the front where the DJ is.  
  
"Hey Dj-Guy could you play this Cd please? It's the edited clean version of some popular metal songs." Oxy said with a Grin.  
  
"Fuck You" He replied as he grabbed the Cd from Oxnard's hands put it down his pants , wiped his ass with it, and threw it back at Oxnard. Oxnard just stood there in shock as this all happened.  
  
"Oh I'll get even with you," He thought to himself, "Just you wait and See"  
  
A few minutes Oxy Saw Dexter by the punch Bowl.   
  
"Hey Dexter, I think that punch has enough Vodka in it already, I already put 2 bottles of 151 proof when I got here, I need your help for a sec with some revenge."   
  
"Sure thing, But what's in it for me?"  
  
Oxnard proceeded to whisper something in Dexter's ear, and they both started to grin.  
  
"It's a deal oxy," He said in reply." Just let me run out to my car to grab my laptop and I will meet you back stage in 10 minutes"  
  
A few minutes later backstage Dexter and Oxnard could be heard whispering to each other.  
  
"Hell Yea" they both shouted.  
  
"Ok Oxy go to room 101S and grab the video camera from the media office and I will setup the audio equipment back here for our pirate broadcast that will ROCK this Dance."  
  
"Dude how are you going to do all that shit you said you could do?"  
  
"Well if you really want to know, I am going to hack into his wireless system, reroute all the audio traffic to my laptop and overlay your Cd over their crappy music. The first step is to find their password to their computer out. This should be easy, hand me my cell phone and be quiet for a minute"  
  
Dexter Picks up his cell phone and dials some keys.   
  
"Hello" the man on the other end answered  
  
"Hello, My Name is Steve Case, I am the president of America Online. We have a report your computer maybe malfunctioning and we need to verify your username and password stored on your computer are still correct. could you read them back to me please?" Dexter said in a very professional voice.  
  
Oxnard nearly pisses his pants when he hears this horrible attempt to get the dj's password. Suddenly Dexter hangs up the phone and turns to Oxnard.  
  
"Here is his username and password; he gave me it right over the phone that easily. His username is "13_sxy_ham_grl" and his password is "pedophile" (Authors Note: His password is Pedophile. LOL)  
  
"Alright now hand me your Cd, Oxy"   
  
(A/N: I wonder what Dexter and Oxy are upto?)  
  
An hour later back at the dance….  
  
"Attention All students and their guests this is a Non-Smoking Dance so everyone please put out your cigarettes, pipes and bongs until after the dance is done"  
  
"Damn it stupid friggin rules, HEY OXY!"  
  
"Yes Pepper Hon it sucks majorly, Its been 30 seconds and I am having withdraws already."  
  
"I'll bet you a blowjob that I can not get my cigarette into that trashcan from over here"  
  
"Haha, No One can make that shot from all the way over here at the table. So you got a deal, but I like my blowjobs nice and slow."  
  
"Alright watch this!" Pepper said as she carefully aimed her cigarette at the trash can, she aimed it for what seemed to be an eternity then she wound up and made the pitch. As the cigarette flew through the air it had dead perfect aim for the trashcan until one of the ceiling fans turned on and completely redirected the cigarette across the room landing on the floor under Stan and Pashmina's Table…….  
  
Sorry for the cliff hanger… but I wanted to stop here so I could write the ending for this properly. I had writers block until tonight so I figure I will post this and finish it up tonight or tomorrow. So Stay Tuned! 


	7. Chapter 7

It was Right next to Pashmina's dress, which was SO LONG it FLOWED UNTO THE FLOOR, RIGHT WHERE THE CIGARETTE LANDED.  
  
"Oh Stan, you are the hottest dancer here!"  
  
"Well not as hot as you my little Flame of the night"  
  
"Oh baby, I am so attracted to you like a moth to a …aaa…. Ahhhh!!!! FLAMES!!!!   
  
AHHHH HELP I AM ON FIRE  
  
HELPPPPPP!   
  
OH MY GOD I AM BURNING UP!   
  
SOMEONE HELP ME!  
  
SOMONE PUT THE FIRE OUT!  
  
OUCHI OUCH OUCHI IT HURT IT BURN IT HURTS IT BURNS IT HURTS IT BURNS IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS! IT HURTS IT BURNS!  
  
(A/N: Wahoo the bitch Pashmina is on fire! ::and the crowd rejoiced::::)   
  
Help me Stan!  
  
"Oh my god Pashmina, I will save you" Stan yells as he runs over to the drinks table to grab the punch bowl to put out the flames on Pashmina.  
  
"Umm Oxy"  
  
"Yes Dexter"  
  
"Isn't that Punch bowl pull of highly flammable alcohol which would make the little fire into a full blown inferno, cooking and killing Pashmina Nearly Instantly?!"  
  
"Yes, Wise Dexter, it will with all the alcohol I put in there it would be like throwing Gasoline on a wild fire. So I suggest you take cover so you don't get burnt by the flame ball that is about to erupt" Oxnard says  
  
"Pepper Hon, Did you bring the Marshmallows and Popcorn to roast over this campfire we are about to have"  
  
"Yes Oxnard, I brought them just like you asked before the dance but I don't know what fire….." Pepper was cut off as she turned around and saw that Pashmina was on fire, at that moment realizing why Oxnard had asked for the marshmallows.  
  
"Geez Oxy that is fucked up, but hilarious" Pepper continued as she grabbed a few marshmallows and some corn and put it on the end of a stick getting ready to roast it over the fireball.  
  
4  
  
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BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
  
A giant fireball erupts at the exact moment Stan Throws the punch on Pashmina to put the flames out, instead it burns her instantly as her skin boils off and her fur and dress are incinerated.  
  
(A/N: So any fuckers who flame me understand this, I HATE PASHMINA. I HATE HER SO MUCH I HAD TO KILL HER IN A MOST PAINFUL MANNER! SO FLAME THIS ::: Pulls down pants and Moons the Flame Reviewers::: )  
  
"Well that was certainly Interesting Light show," the DJ said over the PA system, thinking it was just a high school prank with some fireworks and nothing more.  
  
"Yummy Marshmallows Oxy Honey" She said in between bites from her freshly roasted Popcorn and Marshmallows "This is the most romantic gift you could have gotten me for tonight. A Fireworks show and a brilliant orchestrated revenge upon the school slut who you know I hate"  
  
"Oh honey its now over yet, you still have to keep your end of the bet!" Oxnard said with a devilish Grin. "It didn't make it in the trashcan, so you owe me! But not here and not now, I have 1 more gift for you before we leave this stinking rat-fest and do some REAL fun."  
  
"Dexter! Work Your Magic" Oxnard suddenly shouts  
  
Suddenly all the power, lights, and music went out all at once. Everyone was screaming in panic, and then suddenly a single strobe light came on. Next thing everyone knew all the fog machines started to turn on and the place suddenly got very Foggy. Suddenly the sound of duct tape is heard being unspooled quickly and a struggle is heard in the background. A minute later, a disco ball and some laser lights turn on and the fog machines turn on again, this time on maximum fog.   
  
"What the fuck?!!?!?!" Pepper said in astonishment as a strange sound and music beat filled the air.  
  
If it hadn't been for cotton-eye joe   
  
I'd been married long time ago   
  
Where did you come from. Where did you go?   
  
Where did you come from cotton-eye joe?   
  
(repeat)   
  
He came to town like a midwinter storm   
  
He rode through the fields so   
  
Handsome and strong   
  
His eyes was his tools and his smile was his gun   
  
But all he had come for was having some fun  
  
"Now I need to keep my bargain with Dexter, Pep Sweetie. I will be right back I need to find Hamtaro"   
  
Off in the distance in the background stands the author of this fic, thinking what he should to next. After realizing that another author STOLE his idea about Oxnard's seed, he finds the perfect revenge to avenge that grave injustice.   
  
"Oh Hamtaro can you come here please, Dexter has something to tell you"  
  
"What the Hecka?" Hamtaro responded (A/N: Yay hamtaro is in the fic finally and he said a cuss word already!)  
  
"Well Dexter over there wanted to know if you still have those videos of College Girl-Hams Gone wild UNCENSORED?"  
  
"Yea of course I still have it… I store it in the dresser near my bed right next to my vibra………..umm….. Apple chips… yea that is it…. Right next to my apple chips….." :|:whew!:::  
  
"Can you make of copy of it for him, and make a copy of the Pamela HAMerson Lee and Tommy Lee video as well" Oxnard asked politely (A/n: If you do not recognize the above video titles they are umm…. "Adult Films" if you do not know what an adult film is, then you are not 13 and you should not be reading this fic!)  
  
"You know, Dexter hasn't been the same since his Girl ham broke up with him a few months ago, and its getting close to spring , and YOU know what that means for a boy-ham.... and "the urge" to umm… yaw know…." Oxy mentioned….  
  
"Sure I will have it to him tomorrow, cool dude?" Hamtaro said in reply with a slight laugh at Dexter's "problem"  
  
"So Hamtaro dude, why are you sitting here, all alone, not even eating, at this dance, in this quiet corner, and talking to no one?" Oxnard asked casually  
  
"Well the author didn't know what to do with me in this first episode of Ham Ham highschool, so he waited to find the right role for me which isn't out of character. He could not think of any good roles for me, so he made the completely out of character as possible. Instead of me being a hyperactive ham that is always looking for an adventure and I am always positive things will work out. Instead I am the depressed, nerdy, shy ham, who has a girl he loves deeply, but he doesn't know how to tell her that he loves her, and I am sure when I tell her she will hate me forever. Therefore, that is my character, the shy, depressed nerd in the class, who is a virgin ham and enjoys a lot of HamXXX. But do not worry Oxnard; I will have a much larger role in the next episode." Hamtaro Explained  
  
"Ahh that explains why you showed up here unexpectedly, but what about the author, what is his big revenge plot?" Oxnard Said  
  
The author steps out of the shadows. He is a weird looking hamster, with Purple Fur all around, glasses, and what looks like a horn growing from his forehead.  
  
"Hey hey my name is Troll, I am the author and I heard what you were saying, I thought I would explain what is happening to Crystallee." Troll said to Dexter.  
  
"Oxnard, I have some bad news, Her Gang is trying to move in on your territory of drug dealing around here, she wants to try to steal all of your customers, and kill you so you can not compete with her." Troll said to Oxnard.  
  
"WHAT! THAT LITTLE BITCH! I am so angry, I am going to find her and beat the shit out of her." Oxnard said angrily  
  
"But that's not the worst part, she stole your seed, and is currently smoking you most expensive crack at her home right now." Troll said with a grin  
  
"Hold on let me call in a Favor" Oxnard says as he grabs his cell phone and makes a call. All Troll could hear is a really bad Italian accent over the phone. After about 1 minute, the call was over and Oxnard turned to Dexter and Troll.  
  
"I asked a couple of my associates, who owe me a favor or two, Go stop by her house and have a 'talk' with her. It's good to be friends with Tony Hamprano and the Hamprano's Family." Oxnard said…..  
  
A/N: Well this is the end of Episode 1. I was told it was getting boring so I spiced up this chapter a bit. Review pppplllleeeeaaaasssseeee. All I ask is 5 words or more for a review. And review every future chapter, please? Thanks!  
  
::::::Fade to black, Roll End Credits::::::::::::::::::::  
  
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Who has Inspired Me:  
  
The following Ham Hams were based upon MY view of some of the Friends in my life, people I know, etc. Most of you will find it hilarious too know you were my basis for these hamsters personalities in this story, some may kill me Oh well… Enjoy!  
  
Penelope- Mindy MaMaw  
  
Pashmina- Sharon Deluca (Thanks Craig for reminding me)  
  
Stan- Dave Tripler  
  
Bijou- My Ideal Woman, sweet, kind, nice, and many other things good.  
  
Boss- Myself mostly in this episode. Episode 2 it will not be me.  
  
Panda- Not based upon anyone I know.  
  
Oxnard- Ryan Hess (if he was into all that drug use)  
  
Cappy- Jim Albert  
  
Jingle- Mike Dietrick AKA led sock  
  
Troll- The author, Me!   
  
Dexter- Dan Griffiths   
  
Pepper- Morgan "Trin" McLamb  
  
Elder Ham- Fr. Frank  
  
Maxwell- Young Craig  
  
Sandy- Debbie  
  
Goooooooood Bye folks till Episode 2 rolls Around!  
  
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teruNe idoMa maruChibi daPan  
  
ushiKo hamuTora bonchanRi  
  
buruKa taroHamu furaMa shooTai  
  
ganeMe ponoTsu gariTon  
  
Tottoko Hamu-Hamu Tottoko Mohi-Mohi  
  
Tottoko Kushi-Kushi Heke-Heke!  
  
Yaa yaa yaa yaa yaa ulalala!  
  
Yaa yaa yaa yaa ulala!  
  
Yaa yaa yaa yaa yaa ulalala!  
  
Yaa yaa yaa yaa ulala yaa!  
  
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